When we began our adoption process, we looked everywhere for advice, tips, stories, some kind of idea of what we were heading into. We found very little. We spoke to a few adoptive families we knew, but they had all adopted through private channels. We never had an opportunity to speak to anyone who had gone through the foster system, as we were planning to do. We learned many things along the way via trial by fire. Now that we're on the other side of 2 finalized adoptions, and we've closed our foster license, I've compiled the following list of points I wish someone had told me about before this all began.
1. Be Vocal
Social workers are busy people, usually being asked to handle far more work than any human should be able to get done in a lifetime, let alone the week many of them are allotted. They are also having to juggle a number of different types of cases at any given time. You, a stable home with intentions of permanency, will likely be lower on the priority list than you would like to be. Social workers focus their time where they can, and less stable, potential problem homes are going to be at the top of the list. If there's something you need, or a question you want to ask, don't wait for your social worker to come for a visit, send out an e-mail, or give you a call. Ask any questions you have, address any problems you encounter, bring up any concern you think of whenever you think of it. Despite the work load, your social worker wants to help you. That's what they're there for. You just have to reach for it. Be the squeaky wheel.
2. Be Candid
Your adoption worker is your advocate within the system. They approve whether your family profile is considered for given child. Let them get to know you as you are. Be truthful. No adoption worker is looking for the perfect family. They know it doesn't exist. They just want to know who you are so they can accurately match you with a child available for adoption.
3. Be Proactive
Don't be afraid to go up the chain of command if your questions are not being answered. If any of your social workers is unable to help you, speak to their supervisor. If you don't get the help you need, speak to THEIR supervisor, until you find someone who can give you the information you need. At some point in the paper process, you will be given a list of contacts within the foster system. Use it if you have to. It's there for a reason.
4. Be Flexible
Remember that you could get a call at any time that a child is available. Be willing to leave work early, call in sick, or move your schedule around to accommodate that meeting. Your social worker has a busy schedule, as mentioned before. They may need to schedule their meetings with you at the last minute, sometimes the day of. Within reason (they understand you have a job and things that need to get done) be as flexible as possible to these scheduling anomalies.
5. Be Attentive
Take notes during classes and meetings. Whenever you deal with someone new, ask for a card or make sure you write down their name and contact information. This way, when you have questions or concerns, you can address them to the proper person who can help you get the answers you need. Nothing prolongs problem solving more than asking questions of the person who doesn't have the answers.
6. Be Realistic
Although you do need to be vocal, it's not a good idea to pepper your social worker with questions and expect answers immediately. Give them some time, have a little patience, and remember they WANT to help you. They will answer your questions when they have the time and the correct information.
7. Be Thorough
When filling you any paperwork, fill it out COMPLETELY. Don't leave anything blank. If you have no information for a particular item, write "N/A" or "none". One of the most frustrating things during the process is having paperwork returned to you because something was left out or done wrong. County deadlines are not suggestions. They are real. If you're late, your process will be delayed. Make sure everything is done on time and in the correct format.
As you navigate the system, pay attention to social workers, other families, and any other sources you may come across. They are your allies. You never know where some important piece of information will come from, so make sure you have your eyes open along the way.
Adoption is amazing, beautiful, meaningful, and rewarding. It is also aggravating, frustrating, confusing, and complex. Fill your tool box, and forge ahead.
1. Be Vocal
Social workers are busy people, usually being asked to handle far more work than any human should be able to get done in a lifetime, let alone the week many of them are allotted. They are also having to juggle a number of different types of cases at any given time. You, a stable home with intentions of permanency, will likely be lower on the priority list than you would like to be. Social workers focus their time where they can, and less stable, potential problem homes are going to be at the top of the list. If there's something you need, or a question you want to ask, don't wait for your social worker to come for a visit, send out an e-mail, or give you a call. Ask any questions you have, address any problems you encounter, bring up any concern you think of whenever you think of it. Despite the work load, your social worker wants to help you. That's what they're there for. You just have to reach for it. Be the squeaky wheel.
2. Be Candid
Your adoption worker is your advocate within the system. They approve whether your family profile is considered for given child. Let them get to know you as you are. Be truthful. No adoption worker is looking for the perfect family. They know it doesn't exist. They just want to know who you are so they can accurately match you with a child available for adoption.
3. Be Proactive
Don't be afraid to go up the chain of command if your questions are not being answered. If any of your social workers is unable to help you, speak to their supervisor. If you don't get the help you need, speak to THEIR supervisor, until you find someone who can give you the information you need. At some point in the paper process, you will be given a list of contacts within the foster system. Use it if you have to. It's there for a reason.
4. Be Flexible
Remember that you could get a call at any time that a child is available. Be willing to leave work early, call in sick, or move your schedule around to accommodate that meeting. Your social worker has a busy schedule, as mentioned before. They may need to schedule their meetings with you at the last minute, sometimes the day of. Within reason (they understand you have a job and things that need to get done) be as flexible as possible to these scheduling anomalies.
5. Be Attentive
Take notes during classes and meetings. Whenever you deal with someone new, ask for a card or make sure you write down their name and contact information. This way, when you have questions or concerns, you can address them to the proper person who can help you get the answers you need. Nothing prolongs problem solving more than asking questions of the person who doesn't have the answers.
6. Be Realistic
Although you do need to be vocal, it's not a good idea to pepper your social worker with questions and expect answers immediately. Give them some time, have a little patience, and remember they WANT to help you. They will answer your questions when they have the time and the correct information.
7. Be Thorough
When filling you any paperwork, fill it out COMPLETELY. Don't leave anything blank. If you have no information for a particular item, write "N/A" or "none". One of the most frustrating things during the process is having paperwork returned to you because something was left out or done wrong. County deadlines are not suggestions. They are real. If you're late, your process will be delayed. Make sure everything is done on time and in the correct format.
As you navigate the system, pay attention to social workers, other families, and any other sources you may come across. They are your allies. You never know where some important piece of information will come from, so make sure you have your eyes open along the way.
Adoption is amazing, beautiful, meaningful, and rewarding. It is also aggravating, frustrating, confusing, and complex. Fill your tool box, and forge ahead.
